Perhaps Love?
by neech
Summary: Love is a journey, and sometimes, some need a little bump to head in the right direction. Snapshots of Sano and Mizuki's lives, together and apart. [Chapter 4: The Road Home]
1. Chapter 1

30 Kisses

By Neech

Category: Hana-kimi

Rating: PG

Genre: Romance

Status: HK compilation of one-shots (1st chapter)

Theme: 18 "Say aah…"

Pairings: Sano/Mizuki

Characters: Mizuki, Shizuki

Disclaimer: I wished I owned something, yet I own nothing.

Chapter I

I always wondered what sort of reaction my parents would have when they finally realized that they had just sent their precious daughter to an all-male school for three years.

Needless to say, when Mizuki finally told them the truth after being sent back home (she would object to this most profoundly. She _wasn't_ sent back home; she came back on her own accord), some of the more common responses were utter horror, downright amazement and irrefutable anger (a rare emotion from our normally easygoing father).

A punishment was deemed necessary and by the end of the week, Mizuki was grounded for two months, her allowance negated and both Julia and I were rebuked for- how should I put this- 'encouraging her and aiding her in this foolish masquerade'.

In a sense, I was not surprised when I found an uncharacteristically surly seventeen-year old female sitting in my office one Saturday morning.

"Mum wants you to give me a full check-up. I think she's afraid I've caught something from Japan." She snorted, turning my swivel chair to face the wall.

Amidst protests, I turned her to face me, giving her a kiss on the cheek. "Hello to you too, Mizuki. Who let you in? "

She smiled, and my heart warmed. For the past week, I had hardly seen her smile; instead, she constantly stared into space with the same look of sadness and longing. In some way, I suspected why, but I dreaded asking and receiving the answer.

"That nice lady, Miss Marie, I think. She recognised me as your sister and sent me in."

I laughed and tweaked her nose. "Funny. We look nothing like each other."

We both laughed at this point. We couldn't have looked more different, she and I, she with Asian features, slight and slender physique and brown hair, while I possessed a noticeably Caucasian nose and colouring, broad shoulders, blond hair and a towering frame that was nearly twice hers.

The only feature that acknowledged the fact that we shared similar genetic material was our pair of brown, expressive eyes, as well as our propensity to point with vigour when angered.

There was so little resemblance yet we never disputed the fact that we were siblings.

"So what does she think you caught?" I asked, snapping my rubber gloves as I put them on.

"I don't know, Hokkaido Woodland Tick? Hepatitis? I shouldn't have told her I fainted more than four or five times in Jap-"

I cut her off. "Open your mouth, please."

And she did, as I placed the instrument above her tongue, checking for any signs of disease or illness.

"Arh mein, ish nudding-"

"Say 'aah'."

"Aaaa."

I removed it quickly, making a note on a piece of paper as I wiped the instrument clean of saliva. But I stopped abruptly, remembering her earlier words.

"You fainted four or five times in Japan?" I frowned.

"I mean, it was nothing serious, really. See! I'm completely healthy now. " She flexed an elbow for emphasis, smiling away.

I bit my tongue, struggling to come up with the right words.

"Mizuki… I don't think that's why Mum sent you for a check-up. You've been out of sorts recently… Are you depressed? Do you miss Japan?" I refused to ask anything more.

I watched her gaze turn sad. " It's not just Japan…" She sighed.

"In a way, it's everything… I miss the seasons, the school, the people. I left so abruptly, I never got to say goodbye to some people. Akiha and Ebi taught me so much, even gave me a job, and I never got to thank them. Umeda-sensei (I flinched at this) and Rio did so much for me- You would have liked her, Nii-chan… I miss them, Shizuki. I miss Nakatsu's humour and his passion for soccer… I miss Sano's nagging and concern. I miss Nanba's funny speeches and Rio's teasing and laughter. I miss Yujiro and Noe and Sekime and Nakao and everyone. I never got to say a proper goodbye. I never got to tell them how much I appreciated their friendship, how sorry I was that I lied to them for two years." She faltered, and I noticed the unshed tears in her eyes.

I passed her a tissue, which was about the limit of my comforting skills.

"And what makes me feel even worse is that those who knew forgave me, just like that. Just accepted me, even though the Mizuki they knew for two years was a lie. Sano… Sano knew right from the beginning, and yet forgave me, even pretended he didn't know for my sake. Nakatsu…" She choked back a sob. " I hurt Nakatsu so much. Poor Nakatsu… He spent a year and a half confused, because he was attracted to me! And I could never help him because I was supposed to be a boy! And he forgave me, just like that! I don't deserve their friendship…"

This was all news to me. I stifled the urge to cross an ocean and throttle the boy who had affectionately named me 'Chiari-san' for being attracted to my little sister.

Somewhere, across the ocean, a boy named Nakatsu sneezed.

I stripped off my gloves, raising her chin to meet confused, teary eyes.

'Mizuki-chan… Don't you see?" I smiled and rubbed her tears away, stroking her cheek affectionately. "You may have caused some pain and some problems, but you going to their school was a experience they treasured. They forgave you because they love you, Mizuki. And the Mizuki they knew wasn't a lie. You were still you, just different gender, that's all. You know yourself, Mizuki. Your character would always shine through. And they themselves know it made no difference. Look at the thick wad of mail I see you get from Japan every week! They appreciate you and you made a difference in their lives." Her tentative smile put an end to my fears, as she wiped away her tears and laughed at her silliness.

And now it was back to work again.

"Aah, Shizuki, thank you for…" She trailed off, eyeing the instrument in my hand dubiously.

"Oh no."

"Oh yes. Mum said full check-up, remember?" I grinned, a teenager again as I waved the syringe in front of her face, an elder brother taunting his younger sister.

"Mmmfrghh."

"It'll be quick and as painless as possible, I promise."

'Alright…" She sighed, playing the part of the annoying little sister all too well.

"So… You said Sano Izumi knew all about you being female?" My tone was carefully casual as I asked the question.

"Yeah. He was my room-mate-"

"WHAT! Did anything happen? Did he do anything inappropriate?" I felt myself seethe with rage as I thought of what _that boy_ could have done to my poor, defenceless sister.

I never did like him.

Brief silence.

She blushed and I was prepared to jet to Japan and commit murder.

"Nothing happened, Shizuki, really- ARGHHHHHH. Ow! Shizuki!"

"I'm going to KILL that SANO IZUMI. HOW DARE HE-"

"Shizuki! You idiot! I said nothing happened! I mean… Um… We kissed… But-"

"AHA. You said nothing happened! Kissing is NOT nothing! Do you know how many types of sexually-transmitted diseases can be transmitted by just kissing alone!" I yelled, my tone bordering on the frantic.

"We didn't do anything, I swear! Come on, Shizuki, you know I wouldn't-"

"Oral Gonorrhoea! Once you catch it you can never be rid of it! You can even get it from close-contact sports, for goodness sakes! Oh Lord, you'll have to go for testing for Herpes, Syphilis, Hepatitis, HIV-"

"Shizuki!"

I was never going to let Sano Izumi within a five-metre radius of my sister ever again.

Finito

Reviews are highly welcome, as is constructive criticism. 


	2. Chapter 2

30 Kisses   
By Neech  
Category: Hana-kimi   
Rating: PG   
Genre: Romance   
Status: HK compilation of one-shots   
Theme: 15 Perfect Blue   
Pairings: Sano/Mizuki   
Characters: Sano, Mizuki

Disclaimer: Hana-kimi belongs to Hisaya Nakajo. Yo.

* * *

Chapter II

_"I have faith in you."_

He can still hear her words clearly, said quietly with an air of unwavering confidence a few days before, almost as if they had been uttered just a few moments ago.

Breathe in. Breathe out. The crowds' wordless roar echoes among the stands gives him little discomfort as he closes his eyes, focusing on the target that he has worked so hard for, just beyond his reach.

_You can't do it._ He remembers the taunts, challenges and jeers from so many years before, when he had stopped competing briefly after _the_ accident. They were all the same, until recent years, when a certain young 'boy' began to spiritedly defend his name and his jumping skills.

_Mizuki…_

He had once told her he loved high jumping for the exhilarating rush of it, for the brief closeness to the sky, for the moment over the pole where he could just reach out and take a piece of the wispy clouds and the brilliant sky.

For the times when he felt he had grown wings.

Little does she know that her presence has the same effect on him.

A firm pat on his back, and he meets his coach's smiling eyes.

Three words. "Make me proud."

He turns to the stands, feeling a smile forming on his face, as he hears the words his coach does not say. _Make her proud._

And there she stands, a beatific grin on her face as she cheers him on, her growing hair pulled in a simple plait, a few stray strands dancing in her eyes.

She takes his breath away.

She meets his eyes, the joy and the love within her gaze telling him all he needs to hear. Yet she says the words anyway, though he cannot hear the words, can only feel them and see them.

_I love you. _

And she blows him a kiss, eliciting stifled gasps of outrage from the group of fan girls sitting next to her. Completely oblivious, she laughs and grins, unaware of their blatant hostility, smiling as she pulls a whooping Nakatsu to his feet.

_We're here for you. Always. _

He turns back to the high jump, his eyes focusing on the pole that always seemed impossibly high.

Beyond that, the sky beckons, and he knows he's ready.

He concentrates, and then he's off.

And as he soars over the pole, he smiles, for all he can see is the sky: An unrivalled, beautiful, perfect blue.

_Finito_


	3. Chapter 3

30 Kisses  
By Neech  
Category: Hana-kimi  
Rating: PG  
Genre: Romance  
Status: HK compilation of one-shots (3rd chapter)  
Theme: 2. News; Letter  
Pairings: Sano/Mizuki  
Characters: Sano, Mizuki, Tamami

Disclaimer: I want a Sano. Unfortunately, both he and H-K belong to Miss Nakajo.

* * *

Chapter III

It is funny the way things turn out.

I stare at the card that sits upon my table, embossed gold lettering on a crisp white card. "You are cordially invited to the wedding of Sano Izumi and Ashiya Mizuki." It reads, and I have to pick it up to read it again. And again. And again.

It is funny the way things turn out.

My brother had told me, on the day he found me crying on my bed five years ago, that he suspected that Sano Izumi was gay.

I had prayed he was, which would lesson my humiliation at his rejection.

Unfortunately not.

He had been in love with Ashiya Mizuki, his best friend, the 'boy' who I had confided in. Which made the pain all the more unbearable.

I had trusted 'him'. In a way, I still do. But it hurt, being upstaged by a 'boy'.

It had not been Ashiya's fault, not exactly. I could not blame her, for I hardly knew her, nor she me, so she could not tell me of her growing feelings for Sano Izumi, nor could she discourage me from him, for who was she to tell me to stay away from her best friend?

_Izumi-sama…_ I finger a dog-eared photo of him sitting on the high-jump mat post-victory, my smile sad as I see that somewhere in the background, there is a small, slight figure with shoulder-length hair, her eyes glinting with pride and love, her grin ecstatic as she whoops her joy.

_Why didn't you choose me?_

I still remember his words, five years ago, which pierced deeply even though they were kind.

_I'm sorry, Tamami-san. I have someone else who I want by my side… And you aren't her. Sorry. _

I never would have guessed that it would be Ashiya.

A year after that, there had been a small article in one of the newspapers, mentioning that a female student had masqueraded as a male in a prestigious all-boys school for two years. The girl-in-question had declined to be interviewed, and had left for America shortly after. I had given the article no thought.

My brother told me her name the day after.

"Funny, I had always thought Sano Izumi was a queer. He seemed far too attached to that pip-squeak Ashiya. Hnnn…He probably knew then, considering how protective he was over 'him'. Never had a problem with Ashiya, only Sano. 'He' had guts, considering 'his' size, and now gender. Quite a crazy kid, Ashiya. Anyway, you should see Sano now, Tamami. Hah! Sits around and mopes like crazy. Stupid a-hole. Can't even compete properly."

But eventually he did, beating my dear brother at one of the Japanese competitions. Makoto had stewed for weeks after that, wondering why Sano Izumi had had a sudden change in heart.

I think I know why, and I wish I didn't.

A knock on my door breaks my reverie, and Kyomi walks in, precocious as ever. "Nee-chan, Nii-san's waiting for us. He says to hurry up. " Her tone is controlled and precise, perhaps too much so for an eight-year old.

I nod, picking up the card, reading the name 'Ashiya Mizuki' over again. And not for the first time, I wish I were her.

-8-

The hotel grounds are beautiful, with cherry blossom trees dotting the sides of the pathway, delicate pink flowers in bloom. A sweet, almost intoxicating scent wafts to my nostrils; I vaguely recognise it as the scent of peach blossoms. I turn away, jealousy flooding my veins as I feel illogical resentment at the fact that they were sickeningly in love to have a romantic, April wedding.

A short, sharp pain brings me to my senses as my brother pinches my arm, his voice hissing into my ear. " Don't, Tamami-"

A young man makes his way towards us, greeting us cheerfully while ticking our names off the guest-list.

"Kagupi! Long time no see! Izumi and Mizuki will be glad to see you guys!" My eyes widen as I realise who this familiar smiling person is.

Gone is the bleached blond hair and messy, rumpled street clothing; instead, an immaculately dressed dark-haired Nakatsu Shuichi vigorously shakes my hand. However, his eyes are the same, with the same light they held five years ago.

My brother grins, reaching forward to clasp Nakatsu's hand for a brief second. "Nakatsu Shuichi! I hear you've made it big in the J-league! Though not as big as me, of course-"

The same old Nakatsu elbows my brother lightly in the ribs. "Kagupi…" He says warningly, but laughs it off. "You haven't changed a bit, Kagurazaka. Still as fat-headed and obnoxious as ever."

"And you're still the same punk who doesn't know how to use his brain." My brother's tone is wry as he looks around, as if looking for something in particular.

"So. Where's the idiot? Preparing himself for a lifetime of being tied down to one woman?"

Nakatsu laughs, and I can barely restrain myself from sniggering at my brother's noticeable flinch. This was obviously where Nakatsu Shuichi had changed, for the old hot-headed Nakatsu would have never permitted such a comment to have been said.

"Kagupi, you should really watch your words… But I'll have you know, Izumi is the luckiest person in the world, to be getting married to Mizuki." He clears his throat abruptly, looking uncomfortable as I watch my brother stare for some inexplicable reason.

"Anyway, I should be going, still have quite a few people to find. It should start in an hour or two anyway, I'll see you there, hmm? "

He leaves, and I wonder just why the undertones in his voice sound quite so familiar.

-8-

The morning drags on, and I am ambushed by a number of Ashiya and Izumi's family and friends. After surrendering Kyomi to the care of one Mizuki's Caucasian friends (Julia, I believe her name was), my darling, caring brother abandons me for the company of several, large-chested fans of his high-jumping.

I walk alone, trying not to stand out as a sole female not socializing. My thoughts regarding Izumi and Mizuki, as always, are as jumbled as ever.

I hate her. For stealing him away. For being there first. For making him fall in love with her. But in a way, I didn't. It was an illogical hate, and I could not control myself.

And I wonder, why didn't I have the same idea? Maybe if I had, just maybe, he would have fallen in love with me first.

She isn't pretty. She isn't attractive. She doesn't have a wonderful body.

But in his eyes, I know he thinks she is beautiful.

_Isn't that what matters the most?_

"Dammit." I swear, knuckling away furious tears, stopping at a small stream a distance away from the hotel. The view is serene, but I am not. _Breathe._ I tell myself.

A light touch on my shoulder and I whirl around suddenly, preparing to strike, just in case.

A surprised Nakatsu Shuichi ducks, as if prepared for a blow. "Whoa, Tamami!"

The informal use of my name surprises me, but I refuse to show it, instead appearing unfazed.

"What is it, Nakatsu-san?" My tone is polite, cold even.

"Why are you crying, Tamami?" Same old blunt Nakatsu.

_None of your business!_

I don't bother answering, instead, I look toward the stream, wishing, praying for inner calm.

It doesn't work.

"Tamami, you're in love with Izumi, aren't you?"

_Damn!_ My flinch is obvious, and I manage to keep my tone carefully neutral. "And if I am?"

He doesn't speak.

I want to walk away. I will.

I begin, but I never finish.

"Don't spoil it for them."

I halt. I can't help it. This time, the tears fall freely and I let them fall. I've bottled them in for too long.

"Why her? Why her! WHY?" My voice jars even my own ears.

"Because whatever she did, she did it for him. She didn't fall in love with his looks or his fame, you know. She fell in love with his grace. Did you know that? She liked him, maybe even loved him from age thirteen. Not because he was good-looking, but because of the way he jumped. She left America just to meet him. And she was satisfied with just knowing him, just to stay by his side, as a friend. She didn't do it to seduce him or something like that, all the tabloids just spout rubbish. He wasn't even supposed to know, for Kami's sake. She never told him. He told her he knew." His reply is soft, a contrast to mine, but I can hear it just as clearly.

My tears drip and I can't stop. There is no hesitation in his voice.

"She brought him back into competing. After knowing him for all of two weeks, she decided that Izumi the high-jumper wasn't all that mattered. It was Izumi the person that did. She taught him self-worth. People called him weak. She never believed it. Not once."

"She wanted to get to know him. And that was the difference between both of you. She bothered. Did you know Izumi loves baths? If possible, he'd spend his entire life in a hot spring. Did you know that Izumi came from Hokkaido and he can't stand the taste of sweets? Did you know?"

"You attached yourself to him, like a piece of Velcro. You never gave him space to breathe, and you basically acted annoying. You never gave him any reason to love you. He wanted someone who he would want by his side. And you weren't her."

Reality hurts.

I sob and I can't stop. But I look up, because his tone…

I can see the heartbreak stark on his face, but his smile is still strong. "Sometimes, for your friends, you have to give up the things you want the most…"

No bitter acceptance. Just sad empathy. Empathy for me.

And he leaves me to my thoughts.

-8-

It has started, and I can barely drag myself from my hiding place. There are grass-stains on my skirt and tear tracks on my cheeks. To me, it doesn't matter. It never did.

I somehow sneak in, unnoticed by anyone. Except the bride.

"You may now kiss the bride."

I can see my Izumi's face- no, not mine, never mine- and I feel my heart break into tiny little pieces. There is so much anticipation, adoration and love in that face. And it is directed at her.

He bends down, and I see his bride hesitate, as she sees my tear-stained face. She meets my gaze for a brief second, her eyes filled with sincere sadness for me, the apology in her eyes shocking me.

_I'm sorry. I'm sorry he didn't love you._

But then it's gone, and then she tiptoes, meeting her groom's lips in a brief, sweet, loving kiss.

They fit perfectly, like two long-lost pieces of a jigsaw puzzle.

There is so much love in their eyes when they separate.

I can't hate her.

For they were made for each other.

And for the first time, there is complete acceptance in my heart.

Finito 

**I believe I am quite guilty of using a Spider-man quote.**

**Tamami was an interesting character to play with. Honestly, I think she's quite a nice girl. My favourite one to write so far. I've never written so fast, 1800+ words in two days. Normally I take forever. **


	4. Chapter 4

30 Kisses

By Neech

Category: Hana-kimi

Rating: PG

Genre: Romance

Status: HK compilation of one-shots (4th chapter)

Theme:20 The Road Home

Pairings: Sano/Mizuki

Characters: Sano, Mizuki

Disclaimer: Sadly I own nothing but the clothes on my back.

Chapter IV

_Red._

His dreams are painted red.

He wakes afraid, his body still trembling, his eyes hollow in fear- of what? He shudders, for he doesn't quite know… Until he realises where he is.

His nightmare is real.

His eyes tighten in pain as he takes in the whitewashed walls and the cold, sterile feel of the room, the small monitor that has begun to beep in unison with his heart, the small, slight figure in the white bed, the sheet covering her petite frame rising slowly… Falling slowly.

He is so scared.

And for a moment, the small figure in the bed is not the person he has known for twenty years, but his mother, hooked up to various machines of unknown purposes, the number of tubes coming out from her nose and mouth endless. Each breath is a struggle for one more moment of life, and everyone knows it.

He flinches, and the image disappears.

What lies before him is no less frightening.

A knock on the door, and a small girl with a familiar set of eyes steps in, her voice hesitant, a boy of no older than fifteen trailing in her wake.

"Papa?"

He opens his arms, his smile wan as she dashes forward to be enveloped in his warm embrace.

He looks to his son, his eyes questioning as he holds his sobbing daughter. "She just woke up, Dad." The weariness in his son's voice is obvious, the dark circles around his eyes hardly obscuring the puffiness of his eyelids.

He curses the fact that his children have to go through this, as he had, so many years ago.

His son mutters a string of curses under his breath and he cannot help but look reprovingly at him.

Looking pointedly at his sister, his son switches abruptly to Japanese. "Tou-san, I'm not sure how much Ume understands… I've tried to explain… But…" He breaks off and turns away.

It breaks his heart to see his children like this.

When his son turns back, his emotions are under control, his voice void of emotion. "Kaa-san isn't going to survive much longer, is she?" It is not really a question, for his son knows the answer.

An imperceptible nod, for he does not want to accept it either. He had hoped it would not turn out like this.

"Kenichi…" His voice wavers but his son smiles; a weak smile, but it is there.

"I know, Dad. I know."

-8-

"Sano. Koi."

He wakes to the soothing lullaby of her voice, the feel of a gentle hand caressing his cheek.

He meets her beautiful, laughing eyes.

"Mizuki?" He wonders why her face is so thin, wonders when she began to look noticeably older, to have creases lining her forehead and the skin on her forearms hanging off bone and little muscle.

And then he remembers.

His face crumples, and she strokes his face, hers still managing a heartbreaking smile. "Oh, Sano… Don't be sad. Don't cry, sweet…"

She reaches over, bony illness-ravaged arms encircling him, and he breathes in her scent, which still smells inexorably of her, untainted by the alien strangeness of the hospital.

His shirt is damp, and he knows she weeps with him, for him, for her family. For the fact that they will grieve her passing when she is gone.

She lets him go after a moment, her thumb gently wiping away his tears. "Where are the children?" She asks, mustering a teary smile. She does not say what she knows she must do.

_I am going to say goodbye._

-8-

_She is only thirty-seven _is all he can think as he watches her stroke her children's sleeping faces, her own face overwrought with delayed emotion and pain. She has overexerted herself, and he knows it.

Her eyelids flutter slightly but she forces them open, and he knows she is fading.

She looks up, and he can see the fatigue in her eyes.

"I am so tired, Sano. So, so tired."

She reaches out, one hand grasping his, her thumb and forefinger stroking his palm.

She meets his eyes.

"I love you." She says simply, and he kisses her, blinking back tears as he treasures the taste of her kiss; of sweetness, peaches, honey and the taste that is just her. The only thing he cherishes that is sweet, and he will never taste it again.

She pushes him away gently as she tastes his tears. "Sano Izumi, I love you. But you have to let me go."

He protests, and she shakes her head, smiling slightly. After twenty years, he is suddenly too easy to read.

"I will not let you live the rest of your life in misery, Sano. You have the rest of your life ahead of you… Thirty, forty years left in your lifespan. Don't waste it mourning for me."

"In a way, I'm just returning home."

She is going, and he cannot do a thing.

She gives an exasperated sigh, leaning forward to rest her forehead on his. "Izumi… Listen to me. I may be gone physically, but I'll always be there to watch over you in spirit. I promise. I love you. And I want you to be happy. If you grieve for too long, I will be _very_ unhappy with you." She gives him a mock glare and he cannot help but smile. She is too cute.

She leans back on her pillows, and he can see the exhaustion stark on her face.

"Look after the children… Give my apologies… to Julia, Nakatsu and the rest… Tell them… tell them I love them…"

Her voice is a mere whisper as she speaks. "Remember… eighteen years… ago? We danced together… under the stars… on a… night like this… Remember…"

Her eyes drift closed.

And he cradles her hand in his, tears flowing, for he knows this is the last time she will ever be conscious.

He waits for the monitor to stop beeping.

It is only a matter of time.

Finito 

**I promise a happier chapter for the next one. **


End file.
